Sex Goddess of the Western Hemisphere...

BY Maggie Estep. An Oldie but a Goodie:

I am THE SEX GODDESS OF THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE
so don't mess with me

I've got a big bag full of SEX TOYS
and you can't have any'cause
they're all mine'cause
I'mthe SEX GODDESS OF THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE.


"Hey," you may say to yourself,
"who the hell's she tryin' to kid, she's no sex goddess,"
But trust me,
I am
if only for the fact that I have the unabashed gall to call myself a SEX GODDESS,
You know, I may not look like muchbut deep inside, I am a SEX GODDESS.

Only we'd never come out and admit it publicly
well,
you wouldn't admit it publicly
but I will
because I am THE SEX GODDESS OF THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE.

I haven't always been a SEX GODDESS
I used to be just a mere mortal woman
but I grew tired of sexuality being repressedt
hen manifestin late night 900 number ads where
3 bodacious bimbettes heave cleavage into the
camera's winking lens and sigh:
"Big Girls oooh, Bad Girls oooh, Blonde Girls oooh,
you know what to do,
call 1-900-UNMITIGATED BIMBO ooooh."

Yeah
I got fed up with the oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
I got fed up with it all
so I put on my combat boots
and hit the road with my bag full of SEX TOYS
that were a vital part of my SEX GODDESS image
even though I would never actually use
my SEX TOYS 'cause my being a SEX GODDESS
it isn't a SEXUAL thing
it's a POLITICAL thing
I don't actually have SEX, no
I'm too busy taking care of
important SEX GODDESS BUSINESS,

yeah,
I gotta go on The Charlie Rose Show
and MTV and become a parody
of myself and make
buckets full of money off my own inane brand
of self-righteous POP PSYCHOLOGY
because my pain is different

because I am a SEX GODDESS
and when I talk,
people listen
why ?
BecauseI AM THE SEX GODDESS OF THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE

and you're not.